Expectation = Destruction

Expectation when used improperly has killed more than it has ever given birth to. Expectation in relationships carries with it a weight in which the other person is unaware of what is expected of them. Expectation is pressure. Unnecessary pressure.

We are nature. Our nervous system looks like the skeleton of a tree. Our eyes, nebula’s. Our circulation systems like the tributaries of rivers. Our fingerprint is in the likeness of a tree’s rings. Everything moves precisely as it is supposed to be. Everything is, as it is supposed to be.

When you plant a seed in the ground, you don’t stand over it demanding that it grow, do you? You just know that it will grow. You expect it to, in a healthy way.

Humans have taken expectation and added labels like “good” or “bad” to it. We’ve added consequences and emotions to expectation. Expectation has broken more than it has mended.

Why do we expect things from people? Because we would do that thing if we were them? Or we would act a different way if we were them? But we’re not them. And if we can’t accept that that is who we are then the one who is at fault is us. We need them to be the way we want them to be, rather than who they are…

I know often we fall in love with someone and chalk up their short comings or quarks as something that will change or that they will grow out of. Or even that we can change about them but is that the loving thing to do? Does love show up and hope that the other person will change into who they think they’d be better off as? It’s never worked. It has only caused grief and sorrow and misery. What was once a loving space turns into a place of suspicion and distrust. We ruin it with expectations.

I know one might be able to argue that it isn’t healthy for someone to be involved heavily with drugs or alcohol. I agree. It’s a sure-fire path straight unto death and destruction. But can we change them? Can we expect any one person to sober up if it isn’t their prerogative to? Or if they haven’t hit their bottom yet? Hell no you can’t. Pain is an important teacher. Extreme pain teaches someone to either give up and quit or make the living giving decision to turn their life around. But they have to be the one to do it otherwise we’re liable to push them away. Addiction is a whole other animal.

Expectation as a domestic term is different. A lot of wives expect their husbands to be the strong, stable one all the time. The one who is needless and in service to the family. They expect that their well never goes dry or that they don’t have bad days, hard days, days where they want to just be alone with their thoughts. Or have some time on their own in nature or out with the guys catching up on sports. Expectation denotes a lack of respect. Most men want to provide, protect and take care of their loved ones. And I think if we give them the time, space and respect they need, they naturally just do the things that are common to a man.

Expectations of a woman as just as steep, it’s just a different facet to the same diamond. Generally, women are expected to be the glue that holds the family together. The one who navigates the family and household. The one who takes care of the household duties, pays the bills, works full time, takes care of the kids and stays in shape— looks like she’s still 23 and somehow still has enough juice left in her after all that to be a wild sex goddess and personal pleasure attendant. And a therapist when her man has a bad day and not have an opinion about anything because last time it caused a fight.

What if the pressure was gone? What if we just saw everything as equal shares? What if love lead us rather than genders or roles? What if our end was to be to the other person what we would need, rather than seeking to be right? What if we just allowed people to be who they are without expecting them to be any different. And what if they weren’t what we feel we need, we didn’t get involved under false pretenses and hopes? Don’t you think most of this stuff would end? The fights. The arguments? The suspicion and distrust?

I see love taking over. I see peace where there was anxiety. I see joy and laughter where there was misunderstandings and tears. But there must be clarity and saying what one truly means rather than being vague or compromising one’s moral compass in order to not pass up an opportunity for love.

I see love blossoming where it wasn’t. I see growth where there was stagnancy. I see happiness where there was confusion. Can you see it? Can you agree to cut all the bullshit and get down to what’s real and what you really mean? Do you think both you and your partner can? If you can, expectation won’t make its home between the two of you. It won’t darken your doorstep because there will be nothing hidden. No lurking expectation or manipulative thinking. Nothing will be able to stop you both from the bliss that every person deserves.

Blessings xx